Desiging New Home and Pickle Awards

Yesterday I took the morning off reading and commenting on blogs to pick out new design elements for my blog make-over. I had no idea it would be equivalent to building my house from the ground up.I never actually built a new house, but I have friends who have. It is overwhelming, picking out fixtures for the bathroom sink, deciding on color and quality of carpet, choosing paint or wallpaper, etc.

When I first started My Pickle Talks, I clicked through a series of buttons in Goggle and wa la! I had a blog. But after I've used this for a few months, I'm not happy. I can't change the things I don't like. So I researched. If all goes according to plan, I move over to my new domain name, my new host server and my new flexible blogging platform by November 19th.

I actually thought I could do all the above in a week. Hahahah! I made my self laugh (after I stopped crying) at how silly I was to believe it would be that easy...especially when I didn't know what I was doing. I learned there is a really steep learning curve. After two weeks, I've learned enough to know I can't meet my self-imposed deadline without help. I hired a designer and a business coach. The first to give my new platform the look and feel I want. The later to create a program which automatically backs up my data each week. (Because I would have to do something drastic to myself if I lost all the work I have!)

I'm excited to work with Thais at the [design house]. I love the cartoon we paid an artist to create of Jonathan. However, I really hate the "pickle" which I unaffectionately deemed "the evil eel." Not the artist's fault. He specializes in people, not produce. My husband  loves the picture and laminated paying for it and not using it. (He even paid to have it matted and framed. He picked out a place in the house to display it.) Thais just emailed me this question, "about the drawing of the boy that you have on your blogspot? I like it a lot - do you wanna use it? with a new pickle?" If she can do it, we've found our new BFF!

I'm really excited about working with Martin at Creating an Awesome Home Business. I found him when trying to find tutorials on working with my new blogging platform WordPress Thesis. His site has easy to read,  understand and follow tips on working with Thesis and WordPress. He responds quickly to my questions. While, I hired him to create a program to back up my data base, he introduced me to a new program he uses. Co-pilot will allow him to do the work on my blog while showing me what he did. In theory, I can do it myself in the future. What a great business model!!!! A businessman who not only provides fish, but teaches a person how to fish for herself at the same time. We have not started an official working relationship yet, but I'm already learning a lot.

Okay, now onto the other thing I'm excited about today. This week I found the following blog posts to share with everyone. I have assigned these various posts "Pickle Awards."

The Sweet Pickle Award goes to Cinda at Cinda. Check it out and come back and tell me if this isn't the sweetest thing you've ever seen?!?!?

Next is my Relish Award. To kys at stirfryawesomeness. I loved her "Redneck Award Show"! It was a scream! I've laughed all week long. .

Next is for Helene at I'm Living Proof That God Has A Sense of Humor. I was planning on giving her this award for her "Tricks of the Trade" post, but yesterday's post (almost a follow on to this post) from her husband was just as "spicy." His post is called "What Every Wife Should Know About Her Husband." My two favorite things to know about my husband have to do with bathrooms and sex. You'll have to read to see what I'm talking about.

Finally, I appreciate Lisa and her husband's personal attempt to raise awareness for men's health issues. October I read many blogs highlighting Breast Cancer Awareness and Domestic Abuse Awareness. Lisa is the first blog I've seen which is attempting to raise awareness for men's health. I love the fact her husband is playing along. Please participate in their mustache growing activity by voting on her blog called Surviving Oz.

Thanks for all the supportive comments yesterday. I really appreciate you all. Apparently I did a good job of hiding how truly ugly I was that day.

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True Confession

Warning, Warning, Warning. I said in the post that I'd try to be concise. And I did try, but I had a lot of info to get across. Just think how long it would've been if I wasn't concise. :-) 


P.S. In this post, I'm exposing myself for who I can be at times. I know it will be hard for you to believe, but I can be ornery and not very funny. Hope you'll excuse me and come back again.

Okay, so this week I've been reading about a number of Mommy Meltdowns. And I was reminded of my meltdown of meltdowns during our weekly Bible study. I could title this post "How To Win Friends - Not!" I'll try to be concise, which you know is a challenge for me.

I'll try this in bullet form to explain the background info leading up to the big explosion.

• Jonathan started off the school and calendar year with straight "A's"
• Jonathan brought home a "B" in language arts. No big deal, just curious.
• Ran into Teacher at Starbucks and briefly discussed.
• Jonathan brought home a "C" on quarter grade. Now a bigger deal.
• Next day my dad had heart attack. In ICU 13 days. Almost died a number of times.
• Dad in hospital two hours away from my house for 21 days.
• Dad comes home but needs supervision which I helped provide for about six weeks.
• With father's health, lots of ugliness, guilt and repressed anger within family surfaces and reeks havoc.
• Previous November neighborhood war sparks a major regression in Jonathan. We weren't part of war, but getting hit by the flying shrapnel. Now I'm driving him two hours to another city for behavioral modification twice a month. Also driving 30 minutes one way for one hour weekly counseling.
• Life gets back to "normal" about three weeks before end of school year and I finally request a formal meeting with VP, Teacher and anyone else they felt could help with writing problems. I did not ask for an IEP meeting, knowing this would press my luck in being able to get information before end of school year.
• My only two desired outcomes of the meeting were to 1) inform the staff of all the drama and stress in Jonathan's personal life and 2) ask for resources I could use over the summer to work on his writing issues.
• VP schedules meeting on last possible day. (The second to last day of school. I would be out of town on the last day of school. And following week I'd be on family vacation. Week after that VP is no longer required to be at school again until August.)

Hopefully this gives you an indication of my emotional state of mind come the day of the scheduled meeting. While I did not like waiting three weeks to get said meeting, I understood it was the end of the year IEP crunch.

Day of the meeting I get a phone call from Secretary twenty minutes before meeting. The message was left on my cell phone voice mail. "Something has come up, Mrs. VP has cancelled your meeting. Please call back to schedule something for next week."

I was at Starbucks, half way between home and the school. The message on my voice mail was like introducing a match to a powder keg. I got in my car and drove to the school. I went into the school and the secretary met me out in the lobby. I didn't even get into the office. She said she was not a liberty to tell me about an emergency situation which arose, but VP would be taking care of situation for the rest of the day.

I said, I waited three weeks for this meeting and I was not leaving the building until I had my meeting. It didn't have to be with the VP, the Principal was fine. Or even the Dean. I think my exact words were, "I waited three weeks for this meeting. It's not my fault it was put off until the last possible second. Someone is meeting with me today. I don't care who."

The secretary disappeared and reappeared. She was visibly shaking. I was visibly shaking. She apologized again and promised that I would understand in the future. Up until this point, Secretary and I had a really good relationship. She'd never seen me mad before. I was even surprised at myself. I thought I'd left this personality at the insurance company when I stopped fighting negotiating with attorneys.

"I'll be going home and calling your bosses at the school board," I announced as I pivoted and walked out the door without saying any of the usual niceties.

I called the school board. Got a hold of the boss' secretary. The boss was in an all day school board meeting, as was their boss and their boss above them. She took a message and said she'd request the boss call me during a break. In the meantime, the secretary enlightened me about the "emergency situation" at the school. Apparently there was an armed gunman in the area and the schools were on partial lock down, which means the doors are locked, the kids are brought in from outside portable buildings and no recess until situation is "cleared." The rest of the school day should be handled as normal.

"So, in other words the VP doesn't have to stand at the door with an AKA rifle defending the building and she should be available to meet with me?" I said to the secretary. She said she couldn't comment.

My neighbor called me for a favor after I got off the phone. My neighbor, the wife of the elected school board member. I hadn't intended to play my trump card..calling my neighbor and tattling on the school. However, she knew something was wrong when I answered the phone. She didn't have to pull too hard to get it out of me. Of course, her hubby was in the same all day meeting as the school's principal on up the entire food chain.

After we hang up, I get a phone call from VP, she asked if I could come in later that day for the meeting. I was available, so we set the meeting time.

The favor from my neighbor? Her daughter just got out of the hospital after a week of testing to find she had some kind of bone infection which caused her debilitating pain. Mom asked if I'd sit in the house while she went to get heavy duty pain meds from pharmacy. And oh, by the way, while daughter was in Children's Hospital, dad's mother died and he had to arrange and attend a funeral while his daughter was hospitalized.

It put my meeting in perspective. So I was eating a big chunk of humble pie while I was waiting for the new meeting. In that same time I was now able to hear my Lord talking to me about my behavior and how unattractive it was. I knew what was required of me.

When I went into the meeting, I apologized to everyone whom I had offended. It was very hard for me because I don't like to apologize for being wrong. After the meeting I followed up with an email thanking them for their time and apologizing again for my behavior.

A month later it was still eating at me. Although I had apologized for my behavior, I still didn't feel things were "right." So I asked for a meeting with the Principal. We go way back. She's seen me eat humble pie before. We became friends and she became Jonathan's biggest advocate after the first time she witnessed Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

I explained how the last seven to eight months of emotional turmoil played a factor in my untimely explosion (Is an explosion every timely?), and my frustration at only wanting to help my son. The original meeting wasn't even asking for the school to do anything other than to point me in the right direction to help my son over the summer break.

As I was walking out, the principal said to me, "Mrs. Howe, don't ever apologize for advocating for your son. Unfortunately, you'll probably be doing this the rest of his school days."

So, I had the meltdown of all meltdowns, I admitted my disgrace and we were all back on even ground with the school. I can only give credit where credit is due. Without my belief in the Lord, which cause me to do things which seem unnatural to me (apologizing for getting mad and getting results), I wouldn't continue to have such a good relationship with the school. Otherwise, I might have been the parent ushered off by police and given a restraining order. (Yes, this really happened at our school.)

By the way, my dad is doing great. He's back in the shape he was when he was in the Air Force.

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ADHD and Soccer Don't Mix

Before I get to my main point, I wanted to tell everyone how funny I think you are. I was ROFL at your comments yesterday. When Jonathan came home from school, he was amused too. So thank you for all your wonderful feed back. Now, onto today's post.

When Jonathan was in preschool he wanted to play soccer just like his big brother, Josh. So when he was old enough to start playing for the private soccer organization, we signed him up. At his age the games consisted of four tykes against four tykes with no goalie. The field was small. And if I recall correctly, they weren't even allowed to play in "positions." The idea was to get them used to running after the ball. In my opinion this only reinforced what kids do at this age anyway, which is "beehive" around the ball. (Picture eight four year-olds all buzzing around a small soccer ball as it moves up and down the field.)

For the most part, Jonathan was off in his own world during most of the games. He never did the proverbial squat in the middle of the field picking daisies as others played around him. Instead he stood in one place and pondered the mysteries of the world. Something like this...

(Okay, I confess, it was really me wondering what dinosaurs have to do with soccer. I don't know what Jonathan is thinking at this point. Probably more like, "Why can't the floors in  our home be trampolines?" Honest. He's asked this a number of times.)


One particular game stands out in my mind. The entire first half (two eight minute quarters) he stood rooted in one spot. When he came off the field I asked, "Jonathan, why aren't you chasing the ball?"

"I wonder what the other team's name is?" he replied.

"I don't know. And it doesn't really matter."

"They are wearing red shirts. What team name goes with red shirts?" He continued to muse.

"The Flames? The Cardinals?" I suggested trying to get him back on track.

"I think they are the Cherries," he suggested.

"That's not a team name. No one calls their team 'the Cherries.'" Now I'm exasperated.

"Why not? They are wearing red. I think they are the Cherries." He said with conviction.

"Okay, they're the Cherries. Now go out and run after the ball." I said as the referee blew the whistle to start the next half.

He played the rest of the game bee-hiving with the best of them.

After that trial season, we decided  he needed to be in an individual sport, where a team wasn't depending upon him. We tried gymnastics. He was actually very skilled. So skilled that another little boy got bumped out of the size restricted class. However, the boys gymnastics coach left. The organization supposedly was calling us back when they hired a new coach. In the words of Jonathan mimicking SpongeBob, "Five years later..." (We are still waiting for the call. But I know for a fact they have a male coach, because my friend has her son in the class.)

Once again Jonathan expressed an interest to be back on a soccer team. Scott decided to coach Jonathan's team for a number of reasons. Understanding Jonathan won't always be "on the field" was just one reason.

Of course, Jonathan is older now and on an ADHD medication. He's a defender. And he's a decent defender and goalie. In fact, even Nemesis is forced to admit, "As long as Jonathan is on the field no one is going to get a ball by him." (For those of  you who want the background on "Nemesis" you'll have to check out two links to other posts. I'll place these links at the end of today's post.)

Here he is coming from behind and catching up with the play. This is one of his best skills. He's a fast runner.

"Oh, no, you're not going to get this ball past me!"

I couldn't resist putting this picture in of Jonathan and his coach (a.k.a. Dad).

Now, if you want to read more about Nemesis. You'll need to go here. And if you want to know why I decided I needed to give him an anonymous name, you'll have to go here and read the third section of my miscellaneous thoughts.

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Wordless Wednesday

My idea for today's post works well in the "meme" out in bloggy land called "Wordless Wednesday." I don't know who started this so I can't give proper credit. Without further ado...(You need to read the headline and content as if "voice over guy" is reading it for a public service announcement. P.S. You aren't reading "words" you are reading my "thoughts.")

Do you know where your children are?

It's time for homework. 

Are they doing it?

Working on AP Statistics. Check.

Working on reading sheet. Check.

 Hummm?

Ahhhh!

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Tuesday Tidbits

Joe at Club 166 either has the same personality as my son, Joshua, or is a mind reader. Joe left this comment yesterday about my picture of Joshua.

Your son is good looking (but don't tell him or it will go to his head). If I was that good looking in high school, I'd be President today.

 I swear not five minutes before Joe left his comment, Joshua came down after reading yesterday's post and comments and said. "Six out of eleven people commented on how handsome I was. It's not even my best picture." So when I read Joe's comments. I just had to LOL.

* * * * * * * * *

Last night we were sitting at the kitchen table. I was on the laptop and Jonathan was eating his M&Ms for "zert" (their word for "dessert" since Faith couldn't say it as a toddler).

Jonathan: "Do you know that a star is a decugon?"

Me: "No. What is a decugon?" I'm picturing in my head a "dead star" in which the light has gone out. I don't know why this image came to mind. Maybe it has to do with the dozens of Bakugans in the house.

Jonathan: "It means a star has ten sides."

Me: Trying to imagine my dark sphere with ten sides..."Oh, you mean the geometric shape!"

Jonathan: "Yeah, what are you talking about?"

Me: "You are talking about dec-A-gons."

Jonathan: "Yes! A star has ten sides to it. I counted."

I don't know if you think this is funny. But it reminded me of my little sesquipedalian who hates it when others use words with multiple syllables in them. (If you haven't read about the first time we used this word in the blog, you'll have to check out this post.)

* * * * * * * * *

By the way, when I followed up with the school counselor about the timing of pulling Jonathan out for a small group working on impulsive behaviors, I found out that Jonathan and his "nemesis" (from now on known as "Nemesis") are in the small group together. So, while I still question the timing of the "pull out" and the skills of a second year art teacher to lead the group, our private counselor, husband and I decided it might be good for to Jonathan to learn not to push Nemesis' buttons or react to Nemesis pushing his. Also Teacher is going to watch if Jonathan is slipping in Science and Social Studies grades. If so, she'll "pull" Jonathan from the "pull out."

* * * * * * * * *

This might not be one of my snarkier posts, but look at all the links. You'll be that much better informed about Jonathan's life and life in general.

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Jonathan says "Thank You, Thank You."

I showed Jonathan all the blog awards we received this weekend. He said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. In other words, thank you six times."

I got this award from Ms. Bibi at From Misery to Happiness in 365 Days. I'm forwarding it to Accidental Expert at Raising Complicated Kids.

  

Next, we received this award from Lynn at Midday Escapades. We are sending it on to Nikki at Slow Down Gym Shoe

And finally, we got two awards from Alicia (a.k.a. Dr. Mom) at Welcome To My Planet. What is funny, is she and I traded awards on the same night. I'm sending this one to (I've seen your name or screen name, but I can't for the life of me find it or remember it, sorry) at Manic Mother

The last one I'm sending over to Kim at The Roc Chronicles.

Thank you, ladies for you thinking of us. We really appreciate your blogs and feel honored that you thought of us for these awards. 

Two of the blogs had these questions, I don't know if they go with the awards. So I'll play along just in case, but since the blog is mostly about Jonathan, I asked him these questions. However, we call Faith "Me Too" in our house, so she's answering them too.

Jonathan is in Red. Faith is in purple.

1. Where is your cell phone? I don’t have one I don't know (she has one of our discarded ones which she talks on all the time. It's quite hysterical) 
2. Your hair? It’s blond and long Is longer than Jonathan's.
3. Your mother? She’s nice. Fun
4. Your father? Also nice. Fun
5. Your favorite food? Tacos I don't know
6. Your dream last night? Nope No
7. Your favorite drink? Water Lemonade
8. Your dream/goal? Have fun. Be an artist
9. What room are you in? Kitchen TV room
10. Your hobby? Video games, soccer. Coloring
11. Your fear? Dogs Snakes

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? I want to be at (the local high school). Home
13. Where were you last night? At home watching Transformers with my family. My tooth fell out.
14. Something that you aren't? I am not dumb. A bird
15. Muffins? Blueberry None
16. Wish list item?  SSBM (Super Smash Brothers Melee). That everyday was Christmas
17. Where did you grow up? Maryland. Here
18. Last thing you did? Played football in the TV room I was playing with E and S.
19. What are you wearing? A brown Tony Hawk shirt and shorts. My soccer uniform
20. Your TV? Off Is on Daddy's football game
21. Your pets? None No
22. Friends? A bunch E.& S.
23. Your life? Awesome Good
24. Your mood? Weird Bored
25. Missing someone? Jorge Jorge (the Spanish Exchange Student who lived with us this year)
26. Vehicle? None Two cars and a truck
27. Something you’re not wearing? Socks A regular shirt
28. Your favorite store? Ummmm, Wal-mart Wal-mart
29. Your favorite color? Red and blue Green and Red
30. When was the last time you laughed? This morning Yesterday
31. Last time you cried? Two days ago. A few minutes ago
32. Your best friend? I’m stuck between K and S. E (not the same E)
33. One place that I go to over and over? School School
34. One person who emails me regularly? Grandma and Grandpa Mom (Grandma and Grandpa don't know she has an email address yet. They will send email when they find out.)
35. Favorite place to eat? Taco Bell (of, course) Monterey's 

Today is the last day I'm going to ask people to complete my survey. So if you haven't done so yet, please, please, please help me out so I can make some decisions. (My husband doesn't want to help me make them, he's afraid I'll blame him or ignore him...which I do on a regular basis. Sorry, Hon, you know I love you.)

And, finally, I don't want to ignore my handsome teenage son. So please admire this picture of him just before he picked up his lovely girlfriend for homecoming. I'd put the gorgeous pictures of both of them up, but I don't know how her parents would feel about it.

He has a natural smile, but he just got his braces off. He has to relearn how to smile on demand after five and a half years of not smiling for the camera. Thank you Dr. Froggy (not real name of orthodontist, but he has frogs in every form but live in his office)! Dr. Froggy is the most wonderful man and orthodontist in the world! We only have a six month break from seeing him before Jonathan starts. (Jonathan should've gotten his hardware in August. You'll have to read The Great Dental Debacle to find out why he's not.)

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Bad Hair Day x 21

Okay this has to take the cake! I entered a "Bad Hair Day Contest" over at Manic Mother. Surely these two poor souls have to win. They brought home lice from school. They have such long and fine hair (and blond) that it was very hard to get the lice out. (Their eggs are transparent, which are hard to see on blond hair!)

First I bought the store brands of lice removers and combs. Didn't make a dent. I didn't want to keep putting in harsh chemicals, so someone suggested mayo in the hair, a bag over it for two hours and then comb through the hair. Didn't work either. I had to literally pick 'nits' out strand by stand. Jonathan didn't have a bad case. God was very gracious to us! And his hair was really short at the time. I could get him done in 30-60 minutes. Lice and an autistic child with head and smell sensitivity sitting in mayo ... not a good combination. Can you see how happy he is about this?

Faith was another story. Her hair was so long and fine. I would have to go through her hair strand by strand. It would take about three hours a day to pull the lice and eggs out. The school nurse would check each morning. After four days she approved them to return to school. But I was finding lice and eggs for about 21 days.

We NEVER want to go through this again!!!!!!

I hope I win the contest! It will help with my blog "do over." I'll get a designed header and button. Woo hoo!

If you haven't completed my survey helping me with my bloggy "do over" please do! I'll give you a kiss on the top of the head (which is what we do in our family). You'll just have to lean down, yeah, like that. Smack!


If you didn't see the awards I handed out Saturday, keep reading down my blog. I created my own Pickle Awards so you can check out some great blog entries.

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Starting Pickle Awards

I don't know if there is etiquette in bloggy land about who can create and give out awards. But I've always been the kind of person who ask for forgiveness rather than permission. So, in my desire to show my appreciation for all the wonderfully creative blogs available, I made a few awards to let people know how much I appreciated their post. I have several with the pickle theme. These are just my own homemade buttons designed from blending Flikr.com and Picnik.com together. (I haven't a clue about making nice pretty awards. I'm sorry. Maybe later I'll gain some knowledge and skills. In the meantime I hope these aren't too tacky.)

P.S. I'm giving you lots of opportunities to leave my page today. If you do leave before you finish reading to the end of today's post, please please, please, please, come back. You won't know what you're missing.

Okay, the first award is for a post which I really "relished." Something that made me stop and think. It will probably be a post that I'll think about for awhile and even tell my husband and others about. My Pickle Relish Award goes to Judith at The Being Brand for her post yesterday highlighting a would be victim and a would be robber.

My next award is for a post with a Spicy flavor to it. My first one goes over to Alicia (a.k.a. Dr. Mom) for her spicy post on the dreaded birthday party favor, her post is called Goody Bag Guilt. She's at Welcome to My Planet. I read this awhile ago, but I'm still laughing and nodding my head saying, "Amen, sister!"

Next, is my Talking Pickle Award,  this for a post I've come across that has a topic that either has everyone "talking" or should have everyone talking. The first one goes to Dad at Club166 who highlighted the plight of a family fighting to bring their service dog into the school with their son.

Finally, I have an award for something I thought was "sweet." My first award goes to Azaera at Taking It Day By Day because her little guy is just too darn cute. I want to sweep him up in my arms everything I open her blog and his sweet face looking back at me.

No rules go with these and feel free to spread them around. All I ask is you link your posts back to me so I can read other award winning posts. (For me the best part of bloggy awards is finding more blogs to follow.)


Thanks, Lynn, for featuring Jonathan and his Talking Pickle at MiddayEscapades on your right sidebar under "Site of the Day." If you haven't been there, Lynn has some great tips for improving your blog and some great give-a-ways.

Also, if you haven't given me your opinion yet on how I can improve my blog, please go to this link and complete a survey. It takes less than five minutes and I would really appreciate your thoughts.

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Aspie Mind Meld

Do you remember the Spock Mind Meld from the show Star Trek? Well, I think this goes on between my husband and my son, Jonathan, only without the physical contact. Both having Aspie tendencies, my husband can translate Jonathan for me...on those rare occasions when I can't figure him out.


Here are some examples:


Me: Guess how long this CapriSun has been in Jonathan's lunch bag?

Scott: I don't know, a week?

Me: Since the beginning of school.

Scott: Maybe he doesn't like that flavor.

Me: (duh! Now why didn't I think of that? Maybe Jonathan reverted back to liking only one flavor and not telling me.) Jonathan? Would you drink your CapriSun if I put in a different flavor?

Jonathan: Yes!

* * * * * * * * * *

Jonathan: I can't find my memory card. It was right here on the table.

Scott: Oh, I think I saw it over here. Yes, here it is.

Jonathan: Thanks, I left it on the table.

Scott: You see, he's just like me, he knew exactly where he put it. He always knows where his stuff is. Everyone else moves our stuff. (The running joke in our house is that it's always my fault that something is missing, because before we were married, Scott never lost anything. Tap your keyboard if you believe that.)

* * * * * * * * * *

Can you believe how short this post is today? I know, I can't believe it myself! I just can't recall all the other times my two aspies have mind melded. 

So, since I was so concise today, would you take a few moments to help me with some ideas I have running around in my head? I'd like to make some improvement to this blog and I'd like your opinion. It is anonymous unless you leave your name at the end. Thanks!


If you are like me and deprived of culture, I'd recommend popping on over to see Kelly at My Voice, My View. She writes poetry and posts pictures of famous painters. She also has some other fun things going on in her blog.

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Court Is Now In Session

Thank you for your comments yesterday. Amber, I appreciate you taking time to post. It means a lot to me that you shared your pain. Ashley's Mom, she is a beautiful girl. Her spirit comes through in your writing. Jonathan also loves people, even though they stress him out, he'd rather be around them than not. Casdok, I plan to do a post or two in the future about the many people we've met along the way who left footprints in our hearts. Judith, love and peace does cover all. Tanya, thanks for reminding me (or at least articulating what I didn't) that it is a process. It wasn't something that happened overnight. While we did continue to go out, it was years before it wasn't difficult (or miserable). I was also fortunate because I had both my husband and a son seven years older to help me.

Okay, back to the antics of Jonathan. Sorry for those brief interludes of seriousness. This is the time of the year is hard. Starting about this time my sweet, creative and funny boy begins to disappear until after Christmas. In the middle of a recent meltdown and I'm thinking, "Where is this coming from?" I stopped. "Oh, that's right. It's the middle of October, it's that time of the year." I shared my epiphany with Scott. He looked at me like, "Duh!" (It's the same look I get when I finally realize each month why I'm so ornery.)

Anyway...back on track. I have not had any humorous stories to share because Jonathan has been crabby. But I asked him and Faith to re-enact a game I overheard them playing recently....

So one day I was cleaning up my oldest son's bedroom and Jonathan and Faith were across the hallway playing in his room. I wasn't really paying attention to what they were doing until Faith came over and asked me, "What's the  name of the person who stands next to the judge and makes announcements?"

"Uh? A bailiff?" I stopped and looked up from sorting and matching over a hundred white socks (Who needs this many pairs of socks? Much less white socks?).

"Yea!" she disappears from the room.

I take a peek across the hallway. Jonathan is sitting at a small folding table. Faith is standing, all of her stuffed animals across the railing of Jonathan's bed looking down on the scene below them.

I went back to cleaning but kept an ear open for the kids.

Jonathan (playing the judge): Today we are trying to decide if this dog is guilty of the murder of Cork Insmorg.

Faith (playing the prosecuting attorney): He's guilty

J: What's the proof?

Faith: I have it on tape.

J: Where is the tape?

Faith: I left it at home.

J: Then how are we going to know you really have it?

Faith: (is mumbling and stumbling)

J: Yada, yada, yada...just hurry up, we don't have all day.

Faith: Uh, I have a copy of the tape here....

J: (pounds the gavel) Next case, please!

There is a break as the jurors are switched out for the new defendants and witnesses.

Faith: This dog has pooped on his neighbor's yard.

Witness: Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff...

J: Can someone please translate? (He says in a crotchety old man voice, like he can't hear himself because he forgot his hearing aid.)

Faith: He says the dog is not allowed in his yard because he ripped up the lawn the last time.

J: What does that have to do with the charge of pooping?

Faith: Uh....

J: I don't have all day. I need to take my daughter to soccer.

Faith: Well he pooped in the yard.

J: What's your proof?

Faith: He brought the stuff left behind in his yard.

J: Ahhhhh, what's that smell?

Faith: (mumbling and stumbling)

J: How do we know it's his?....Ah! He's pooping here. Let's get a sample to compare...Look it's the same! Jury, what's your decision?

Jury: Blah, blah, blah, blah...

J: Can someone please translate? (Again, old and crotchety)

Faith: They are each saying "guilty."

J: For his punishment he will not be allowed outside for a month...no wait let's make that a month and the next. Case dismissed. Everyone exit."

I don't know about you, but I don't think I want to be in his courtroom. Nor do I want to have her as my attorney.

If you want to read other funny things kids say, pop on over to Mud Pies of Mommy's Thursday Theme.

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How Did I Get to This Point?

About two years ago our public school system hired Dr. Jim Ball to come down to set up programs, train teachers and educate parents about early interventions and autism. Under his contract, he came down four times and held presentations for parents. While I learned very little new information, his presentations gave me a huge boast in awareness of just how much our faith and ministries helped us with Jonathan.

One presentation in particular, the school asked Dr. Ball to talk to parents about getting their children out of the house and into social situations. Many of the parents at this presentation had stopped going to church, out to eat in restaurants, attending family functions, going on vacations, spending time with friends, etc.

I was shocked and saddened by how many parents had become so overwhelmed by the autism that they were driven into their homes and cut off from the rest of the world. I'm grieved to admit how harshly I judged them while I still grieved for them as one by one they told their stories. And I'm talking about parents of high functioning kids, who were in the general education settings in the school.

However, I've found over the last few years, as I have judgmental thoughts, my Lord is quick to remind me but for His grace, I could just as easily be in the same situations in which I judge others. And I remember how I would not want to be judged harshly, but shown compassion and mercy.

I really don't remember specifics of Dr. Ball's presentations. I just remember in general my "take aways." I also remember he was very funny, engaging and no nonsense when it came to his opinion that life should not be stopped because of autism in the family.

I remember looking back over Jonathan's life and wondering how I did not end up in the place as these other parents? I'm not any smarter, any braver or any stronger than any other parent in the same situation.

How did I begin understanding even as an infant that Jonathan did not like loud noises, being around lots of activity and people, or in new environments? I marvel at how I figured out that from among the dozens of receiving blankets I had between the birth of two boys, Jonathan preferred Joshua's seven year-old yellow blanket? How did I figure out that he needed to be tightly swaddled in it to be comforted?

I'm sure I don't have to tell you, friends and parents of special needs children, how hard the first few years of Jonathan's life were. Jonathan's third week home from the hospital he began inconsolably crying everyday like clock,always between the hours of 4 o'clock in the afternoon until 8 to 10 o'clock in the evening. I began suspecting it had something to do with Joshua's being home. Hard to believe now if you only know Joshua as a teenager, but when he was younger he was hyperactive and loud.

Jonathan was so difficult that my parents, who live close by, would see our need for a break. They would volunteer to watch the boys so Scott and I could go out. However, you could always see the look of dread on my parents' faces when we dropped Jonathan off because they knew what was in store for them. You could see relief in their stressed faces when we returned. Mom would spend the entire time trying to wrap him up tight enough in his yellow blanket and rock and carry him, trying to comfort him.

So, once again, how did we end up not being shut up in our home with an infant and toddler who obviously hated to be anywhere else and often didn't seem comfortable there either?

Again, I think it went back to what we believed. We believed we had a responsibility to our Lord, so we searched for ways to continue serving in our ministries regardless. We didn't stop going to church because Scott was an elder and had responsibilities to carry out each week. We didn't stop going out or having people over because we desired to build and maintain relationships with our congregation and neighbors. During Jonathan's first few years, our church was only a "plant." It had gone from a group of people meeting Sunday evenings, to meeting in a rented building for Sunday morning services.

On Sunday evenings, the entire church (about 45 adults and children) met in our house. I spent a lot of those evenings up in Jonathan's room rocking him and trying to settle him down. When we went to people's homes, one of us usually spent a lot of time in another room with Jonathan. As he got older, we started carrying around a "survival pack" full of snacks and toys to keep him entertained. And we sat at the back of the church so I could slip out the door when he got too difficult.

We had Joshua, who needed our time and attention too. So we hauled Jonathan out to soccer fields, which in the summer was also a miserable experience, because Jonathan doesn't like heat. We had Jonathan in school assemblies and often one of us was outside in the parking lot while the other was supporting Joshua.

Then I got pregnant with Faith. I was on full bed rest by the sixth month. The last four months Jonathan was taken by neighbors and church members for the first half of the day. His environment constantly changed. The people he was around constantly changed.

A few years ago, I would've said that the Lord was blessing us because we were "seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness" and as a result of our faithfulness to make serving Him and priority, he "gave us everything else." (Matt 6:33)

Now, I don't know why the Lord chose to bless us. I have grown to believe that there is nothing I can do to earn his favor on my own. Nor do I believe a person can earn the Lord's disfavor.

I honestly can't answer why the Lord apparently blesses some and not others. I certainly don't think I'm any better than those parents I first mentioned. And as I read about what other parents are experiencing, I don't have answers for them either. I'm certainly in no position to say why my circumstances are different than theirs. All I can say is that there are people in much more difficult circumstances than me. Yet they can still say "God is good" and believe the same way as I do. I would encourage you to check out Autism in a Word. Jeneil is much more articulate than I and her current circumstance are much more difficult than ours; however, she is seeing God's grace and provision in the midst of it. I only linked to one of her posts, but please look around her site. She tells stories which will break your heart and then turn around and tell stories which will bust your gut.

And while I'm at it, I'd like to thank Mrs. Bibi over at From Misery to Happyness in 365 Days for giving me an Honest Scrap Award. Mrs. Bibi has a lot of difficult things going on in her life, but she is choosing to move forward in a positive attitude and to come out better on the other side. She is honest as she writes about her journey. Please encourage her in her adventure.

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The Cost of Autism

Thanks everyone for your wonderful comments, suggestions and questions. I did hear back from both the counselor and teacher. And I will be making a phone call to the counselor today. The teacher mostly recommended Jonathan for these small group sessions because of his IEP goals and not because she had additional concerns.

My husband and I talked last night after I collected information. I'm going to ask the counselor wait to put him in a different group after the Winter Break. First, because he's being pulled out for three year evaluations to renew his IEP (we are hoping he'll still have it after the testing). Second, because the Art teacher has been assigned to run his group. I don't want to pre-judge, but I'm not confident that a second year art teacher is necessarily qualified to teach Jonathan about impulse control and decision-making. I could be wrong. This is why I'm calling the counselor to find out the qualifications. However, my default is still the timing of this considering how much time he's already losing from academics.

The above is loosely related to my intended topic for the day "The Cost of Autism." I was on the Internet yesterday researching this topic for my post. I was more interested in the "in-direct" costs of autism. I found nothing which specifically addressed this issue. I did find many items related to the direct costs; however, most of these articles referred back to this study from Harvard School of Public Health released in April 2006.

When I first thought to write about the indirect costs of autism, I intended to be humorous, but I couldn't think of anything specifically humorous about it, other than a quip here and there about our own personal expenses. We are so incredible blessed to have a significant portion of Jonathan's cost paid by a third party. We are also incredibly blessed that Jonathan is so high functioning and intelligent, that he's able to help himself after a little bit of intervention.

Even then, we were still one of the many I read about who had to borrow against the equity in the home to pay for expenses related to autism, ADHD and Anxiety Disorder. Again we are incredibly blessed because we live outside Washington, D.C. Our home was built in a time when we were about the farthest people want to commute each day and still could afford to buy a home. We'd only been in our home about five years before the value of our home more than doubled. And even though the housing market turned, our home is still about double our purchase price.

We also are blessed to be covered by military health insurance. Six years ago when doctors first diagnosed Jonathan, we did have trouble with services being covered. However, we've been denied nothing for a few years now. In fact, we receive surveys to discover how satisfied we are with autism related healthcare coverage. To understand how amazing this is, you have to understand that Jonathan is a dependent of a retired military officer. He's pretty far down the totem pole for priority in the military system. (For example, we are the last to be serviced when we go to have prescriptions filled. If an active duty military officer comes in while we are waiting, the officer will be served first. And that same officer can have their dependents serviced first too.)

Most of the costs we've born ourselves relate to our fight with the school system to get services. For those new to the blog, Jonathan is "twice exceptional" meaning he has a "superior" IQ but he also has learning disabilities. Our school system is one of the best in the country for the average college bound student, not so high ranking for the special education or exceptionally gifted students. In the beginning, Jonathan's IEP team interpreted the Individuals with Disabilities Educational Act (IDEA) to only cover students whose academics were below average or who were behavior problems. Jonathan is neither.

So we spent three years and tens of thousands of  dollars on an attorney, an educational consultant and independent evaluations. In the end, I honestly believe Jonathan received services only because the school system didn't want to spend all the time and money fighting us. We only asked for Speech and Language therapy for pragmatics and figurative language. Pragmatics to help Jonathan related to his peers in social situations and figurative language so he could comprehend both academic materials and teachers. (When Jonathan didn't understand "It's a piece of cake" was an expression to say something was easy, he started getting very anxious about going to his soccer practices. He didn't know what his coach was saying and he kept wondering why the coach was carrying around a piece of cake in his pocket.)

The very last meeting before we were ready to request a Due Process Hearing, Jonathan's IEP was reinstated. The reason why I believe it was a decision from way up high in the school board, is our educational consultant serves on some state boards. She got word passed to her which originated from someone really high in our public school board "Stop fighting so hard, you're going to get what you want." Our attorney felt like our case was a good precedent setting case in our state to try the common interpretation of providing services only to below average and behavioral problem students.

Anyway, that has been our biggest expense for Jonathan's diagnoses. But if we added up all the other "indirect" expenses, I'm sure we would be amazed. Even the Harvard study above mentions no studies have been done on these expenses. Most of my friends with special needs children understand the expenses I'm talking about...time off from work for meetings, appointments, evaluations; gas, mileage and wear and tear on vehicles to take our children to specialists and therapies; eating out and hotels if these meetings and evaluations are out-of-town or all day affairs; childcare for your other children while you are taking care of this one child; expenses related to special diets and equipment for the home, and the expense for which I was originally going to post, the cost of all the rewards for learning and maintaining appropriate behaviors. In our case our money goes for computers, video equipment, games, books, and McDonald's Happy meals. Times two or three because my other children don't understand why Jonathan gets all these things for doing what they are required to do.

Again, we are incredibly blessed. We are able to handle all of this. We have had to make some choices and we've taken on debt, which wasn't our preference. We don't have as much money saved to help our children with college tuition. However, we know we are in fantastic shape compared to many in the same situation or worse. And I would be remiss in not stating that we believe the source of all our blessings is our Lord, who is our Great Provider and our Hope in times of darkness.

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What Do You Mean He Needs Support?

We arrived home safely yesterday afternoon from our mini-vacation. Thanks to our guests who joined us. I especially appreciate you hanging in so long. My dad looked at our mini-vacation last night and said, "Boy that was long!"

Since you were such troopers, I thought I'd have mercy on you today and hopefully be brief.

A couple of weeks ago I received a letter from the school counselor. It was a form letter indicating "Jonathan has been recommended for a small group focusing on impulse control and decision making."

I did not think much about it, because I assumed it was related to his IEP (Individualized Educational Plan); however, I put the note aside to follow up at some point. Yesterday, I finally got around to emailing the counselor to confirm my assumptions. Surprisingly, she responded right away to my email. I say "surprisingly" because I sent it to the school email address and assumed I'd hear from her this week.

Well, you know the saying about assumptions. I was wrong on all counts. First, she responded to me on the weekend. Second, she said this was not part of the IEP. She did say that Jonathan's teacher recommended him for this six week skill group.

Now I'm waiting on her to explain to me why Jonathan's teacher recommended him. I also want to know what skill is covered in this group which is not already currently covered in his Speech and Language social skills group. I'm a little concerned about the timing of this since Jonathan is being pulled out of his class for special education services for speech and language and social skills. He is also being pulled out for re-evaluation of his need for special education services. This means his speech pathologist is removing him from class for both services and testing. The special education teacher and school psychologist are pulling him out for testing as well. Finally, he's part of the school chorus and misses instruction during the week in order to prepare for the Winter Concert.

More than anything else, I was shocked by how incredulous I was at the idea someone in the school thinks he has problems with impulse control and decision making. Why should I be incredulous? I've been fighting the school system for six years trying to get him services. Why should I be offended that someone else agrees? Doesn't this bode well for us when we come back together to reconsider his need for an IEP?

I don't have an answer. I'll have to meditate on this for awhile.

Do you, my friend, have any thoughts? I know I can be blind to my own faults. The same faults which are glaring to you. As you get to know me, I hope you realize I do appreciate constructive criticism. It's the only way I can grow.

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Day Three Busch Gardens

I'm glad you decided to join us today at Busch Gardens. Just remember we have two Aspies in the family, so our day will be scripted. We want to be at the park when it first opens. There we will pay the extra fee to park close. We used to do this for a quick and easy get away when Jonathan melted down. Although he hasn't melted down in awhile (at an amusement park, let's be clear), it has now become part of the Busch Gardens script. Buckle up and we'll be on our way.

Although we park as close as we can, we still  have a little bit of a trek from the parking lot to the turnstiles. Please excuse us while we read from our script.

"Jonathan, are you going to ride the Loch Ness Monster today?"
"NO!"
"Are you going to ride the Big Bad Wolf today?"
"NO!"

"Are you going to ride any roller coasters today?"

"Maybe tomorrow."

Over the years we have decoded "Maybe tomorrow" as meaning, "No. Not in your life time. However, I've learned if I pretend I'm thinking about it you'll get off my back."

Once we are in the park, we let the photographer vultures gather up the children to take a picture. It has actually worked out to be a good tradition. We've been coming to Busch Gardens for six years now at both Spring Break and Halloween. So we can see how the kids have grown in six month increments for the last six years. If we were home, I'd show you the very first picture so you can see how much the kids have grown. I don't blame you. I don't like my picture taken either.

Pardon us while we stop and pick up the park map. We know how to get around the park without a map, but again we have two Aspies in the group. We have to follow the "rules." To give Scott the benefit of the doubt, the map usually publishes show times for the day and any other important information about the park. Jonathan just needs the security of having something to hold onto throughout the day. Next stop the world famous Clydesdale Horses.

When we first started coming, there was a horse named "Josh." Since we have a "Josh" in the family, we thought this was very funny. Especially to get a picture of the family standing by his cage and his rear end inevitably facing us.

Alas, Josh "moved on to another park" we were told several years ago. (The staff told us this in such a way that the kids were okay but the adults knew what it really meant.) This year "Zipper" the donkey has also moved on. So this year, while the horses are still our first stop, it is more about lamenting our favorites. We come in and talk about how they are no longer here. We take our obligatory picture, but our hearts just aren't into this any more. We haven't become attached to the newer horses. Let' move on out of here as apparently the smell is getting to my oh-so-sensitive Aspie.

Now, you need to make a decision. You can either split off with Scott and Josh to ride the roller coasters and scary rides or you can stay with the kids and me. We generally hang out at the kid friendly places.

Great, I'm glad to have your company! I don't do amusement park rides, so I'm usually sitting at the exits of the rides or taking pictures. Don't worry. We'll meet back up with the men at lunch time at the Festhaus.

This year the park opened an Elmo's World section. I don't know what Elmo has to do with Busch Garden's Old Country theme, but the kids are happy to play here. I guess this came at a good time. Usually the first ride was the miniature Clydesdale merry-go-round, but the kids are getting too big for it. So for the first time in five years, our Busch Gardens script changed. Let's head on over to Elmo's world. It has the only roller coaster the kids will ride.

Now it is off to Land of the Dragons where the kids can climb in nets high above our heads. Oh, there, Jonathan and Faith are above us now trying to get our attention, "Hi, guys! Are you having fun? Well, don't forget we have to meet Daddy and Josh in about 15 minutes. Remember, I only want you coming out of the nets over by the slides so I can see you."

Yes, we always eat here. Scott's family is from Wisconsin. He grew up with traditional German foods. He relives his childhood tastes, smells and noises here. As you recall, we had German Exchange students around us in my teens and I've been in Germany twice. So I love the foods too. Our favorite is the German potato salad. Oh, look! Here comes the Oktoberfest dancers and band. These are the sounds of Scott's childhood. I guess, it will be for our kids too, since they hear all these songs at least twice a year. I hope you don' t mind us participating in the fun. We do the hand motions to "The Happy Wanderer" and "Ticky tocka, Ticky tocha, Oy, Oy, Oy!" and the beer stein songs. What's that? Where did Jonathan and Faith go? Oh! I know, the dancer are out trolling the audience for kids to join them center stage for the "Chicken Dance." Faith did it the first year, but ever since, Jonathan and Faith dive under the table at this point. They'll come back up after the Polka dancers are done. You are in for a treat if the dancers pick Scott. He learned to polka as a child. The ladies are usually impressed he knows the moves. Oh, by the way, remember I told you yesterday about the "chips and salsa" meltdown. Well, Jonathan's grown out of that too. He'll eat the hot dogs here and will eat the chips without salsa. You see six months visiting Kennedy-Krieger's Behavioral clinic has helped to make some areas of life easier. What did you say, Josh? You're upset that the new stage runway took over our usual place to eat? Do you have some Aspie in you too? I can say this to you, but not Jonathan, "Get over it! If he's not complaining, then you shouldn't either."

After lunch we all stay together. If you want to leave your stuff with me, you can join Scott and the kids on all the rides that spin. I make the guys stay with us for awhile. I can't take the kids on these rides and the kids aren't tall enough to go on their own yet.

Oh, no! The Big Bad Wolf roller coaster ride is closed forever? It was the first roller coaster ride that Jonathan ever went on. Scott, did Faith ever go on it? Oh, yeah, that's right. She only made it all the way to the actual ride before she changed her mind. She said the constant video tape playing tales of the Big Bad Wolf made her change her mind. Faith, I don't understand why you are so upset. You would never get on it anyway. Oh, you might have when you were older? Well, I'm sorry. Maybe they'll build a better ride here instead.

I'm sorry, what did  you ask me? Oh. Yesterday it was a little bit warmer and less crowded here. No one had to wait in any lines. In fact Josh and Scott rode all the roller coasters in the park before they met us here at the Tea Cups. So, even though the lines aren't bad today, yesterday we didn't have to wait. In fact the family had opportunities to stay on a couple different rides to go again.

I know, I'm getting ready to go too. The kids will be ready after they ride the Katapult, Tea Cups, Bumper Cars, Elephant Ride and Large Swings. Fortunately, all the rides are in the two adjacent areas, Germany and Italy. I'm sorry we didn't get over to France or England. There isn't really anything the kids like over there. Every once in a while, if we eat at the park two days in a row, we'll eat in France. They have a really good smoked grill selection.

I'm sorry about not seeing any shows either. About the only time Jonathan melts down at the parks any more is if he's forced to see a show. I think he avoids these shows for the same reason he avoids the movie theaters, sensory over stimulation. Oh, and he gets cranky when it is hot and humid, which wasn't a problem today, was it?

Okay, are we all back in the car? Is everyone present and accounted for? We didn't lose anybody along the way did we? Once the seat belts are on we'll head back to the unit. Okay, Howe family, you know the drill. What was your favorite part of the day? Each person takes a turn sharing.

Now it is time for our guest to share. We will be returning home tomorrow, so this will be your only chance to tell us your favorite part of spending time with us the last three days .

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